“I will sing of the LORD's great love forever; with my mouth, I will make your faithfulness known through all generations.” (Psalm 89:1)
It was time. It was time to start letting go and start singing again. I had glanced at that stack of files long enough. They had been sitting in the same corner of the file cabinet since the day I laid them down. I had dusted around them countless times ignoring them because it just hurt to much to do anything else with them.
There were many times that as I dusted around them, I thought about just tossing them out. Yet every time I thought of it, God would whisper, "We need to go through these files, Gina.” And I would gently whisper back, "Not yet, Lord. I need a little more time." After all, we often hear that time heals all things, right? We ask for more time forgetting that Jesus is the only One that can provide healing…not time.
The files represented so much brokenness, disappointment and what felt like a great failure. Looking back, I believe my hesitation to go through them was not knowing how I would feel about "the loss" of some of those dreams even years later. But I decided to press into the unknown and work through the sifting process of all that those files represented. And I am so glad that I did. Little did I know the surprises that would be waiting for me. So much of what once felt dead or lost God had redeemed and given new life to it. Now. I can’t tell you that God had not reshaped some of them in the restoration process…but they were so much better.
Little did I know that the reason God wanted me to go through the files was to remind me that while we should dream big for God, even our most prayed for and well thought out dreams don’t compare to the dreams He has for us. He reminded me of what happens when we allow Him to put the final touches on those dreams when we move out of the way and watch Him do what only HE can do…in His time.
Fast forward from when I first wrote that entry journal entry:
I have spent the last year sharing and celebrating the publishing of my first book, #peaceinthebrokenness, A book I didn’t know I would write, let alone be published. Much of the writing of Peace in the Brokenness happened in the same corner where those files I dusted around where for far too long. Little did I know that God would use the sifting in my heart during that writing season to also bring healing, mending, and restoration to the brokenness, disappointment, and failures sandwiched between those files.
And yes, almost all of those files got shredded and tossed out a year ago today. I did it without the slightest hesitation and with indescribable peace in my heart. I say almost all them got shredded and tossed because there were some that needed to be kept. Some he told me to just hold on and keep trusting Him for His timing. Others I kept because of the treasured lessons learned in that season. And yet others held the written notes of encouragement and prayers people shared with me during that season without knowing how much I was needing them.
Sweet friend, I don't know what files you may have in front of you. I don't know what they hold. I don’t know what loss, dreams, or failures they may represent. But please let me encourage you, don’t wait around for "time to heal." If healing and restoration are what we are after, we must start by taking whatever may be broken in our lives and bring it to God. Because when we do, when we finally come to the end of ourselves and lay down whatever may be broken at the foot of the cross, God, not time is faithful to heal, renew, and restore. Because that's just Who He is, redeemer, healer, and restorer.
Now. I won't pretend that any of this of this is easy. It’s not. When I finally laid the piece of my heart those files held at the feet of Jesus, I didn’t understand the “why” part of it. Why did it have to be that way? To be honest, I still don’t understand the why of much of it. And maybe I never will this side of heaven. But here is the thing, like you I may not always understand the “why” but I know the “Who,” Jesus. And I know that even when I cannot see even a glimpse of what His plan is, I know that He can be trusted. I know that He holds all the unknowns in His hands…All of them.
The thing that I am being reminded of today as I write to you is that there will always be a set of “files” to work through because there will always be things that remain out of my control because, well, maybe they were never meant to be in my control…and that is a good thing. A really good thing.
Will you trust Him with your files? God has not forgotten about you. He is waiting for you! Bring Him the files and let the sifting and restoring process begin and watch Him blow you away with His kindness. And let’s keep signing of the Lord’s great love and faithfulness through the different seasons of life.
Blessings to you, sweet friend!